“Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind.”
This I learned during training. The truthfulness of the statement is very resounding specially at this time when the moon is getting fuller again and my body is in its monthly cleansing. It is furthermore more ego confronting what with this self who is at times still wanting approval from others. A painful truth -YES!
I had a great practice with Teacher Elle at the shala today despite my body’s being a bit lazy due to my coming period. Life is always so comforting when shared with likeminds in a sacred space where one can only hear the oceanic sound of every ashtangi’s breathing. I love how the shala is inhabited with souls coming from different arena but are united because of yoga. That bond that is purged out of the necessity to go back to one’s natural state is something magical for me. No words can exactly stipulate how transformative a mysore class for me is-physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Om shanti, shanti.
Prior to my class earlier, I had strawberry and chocolate pancakes for breakfast at my favorite donut store. I also had the chance to watch people passing by, getting in and out of the store and even those who were just standing outside. It amazed me how different we could all be.As I looked at their faces, there were these questions forming in my head. Questions like whether or not they are happy , where they are going, are they married or something like that. Random thoughts appeared in and out of my mind too.
At times, my heart felt sad seeing an old man or woman looking so frail. I also smiled when someone looked at me with a friendly gaze. It was a good time to just laze around and allow things to happen accordingly.
My class was a lovely one too. My students were showing great improvement in their practice. There was joy inside the studio and I was glad I was there teaching.
Everything was good except some of my hideous thoughts. I was kind of jealous of someone without any particular reason. I was also wanting to be confrontational. Thoughts of few people annoyed me. I felt so silly thinking about insignificant matters towards me and other people.
It just dawned on me that there is that moon slowly showing her beauty outside and that there is my PMS that enables my hormone to be imbalanced. I am still sane knowing I am aware of my condition now. I do not want to judge myself about feeling or thinking this way. These thoughts shall pass and I will be that positive woman again.
I am just glad I didn’t inflict pain at anyone and that even if I was beasty, I was still in touch with my inner me-that good natured me.
Until I can stop judging others and myself, I guess I need to keep practicing. Until my thoughts are centered to the present moment , there is always a need to practice. as Guruji would often say, “Practice, practice and all is coming.”
Yoga is a lifestyle. I choose this path therefore I need to do everything to be less attached to my own senseless thoughts. I need to cleanse my mind from all the useless worries and fears, from jealousy and selfishness. I need to break away from my ego. It is not really easy. Slowly, slowly, I will be there. When all that my mind can hold is nothing except peace, serenity, calmness…I should keep going then. BLISS.
Practice and all is coming.